Why we do what we do?

Why do we decide in certain situations the way we do? Why someone becomes a workaholic and someone would be “bohem” his whole life? What drives our actions, emotions and even the quality of our life?

The answer can be found in the six human needs we all aim to fulfill in different ways. The founder of this theory is Anthony Robbins who says: “Every person is unique, we all have our nerv systems and they work the same way in all of us. There is also the six basic needs, which everybody shares and direct their actions toward the fulfillment of these needs. This drive is rooted in our nervous system and the way to reach fulfillment of these needs is limitless.”

There is no priority in the way these needs are written. They are written in and alphabetical order. Each need is necessary in our lives, some more than other. Everyone choses the order himself. You understand that the first need is the one without which you will not be able to function. Only and only if this one need is fulfilled, only then you can focus on next ones. Which one is the first one for you?

One of the needs is a certainty, comfort. The certainty that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure. Certainty means that you know, that if you are suppose to meet with someone at three, the person will 100% be there. Some people gain certainty by continuously controlling everything around them. And for someone certainty can mean to let go of all control and let it be.

Next need is uncertainty, diversity. I believe that if we would have everything under control all the time, have it given, it might start to get boring. Would you be happy? Therefore uncertainty is the need that represents something unknown, change, new inspirations.

We can fill our need of significance thru others. We can cooperate or compete with them. Significance can be demonstrated in different ways. It can be found in small gestures, such as opening the doors to the lady, father can give significance to his wife, mother of his children by greeting her first and spending first minutes when he comes home with her before he will direct his attention to the kids. Everyone wants to feel special. What are the ways you would like this need to be fulfilled?

Love and connection is a strong sense of belonging with someone or something. We all have a need to find the meaning of life. Love is the oxygen of life; it’s what we all want and need most. When we love completely we feel alive, but when we lose love, the pain is so great that most people settle on connection, the crumbs of love. You can get that sense of connection or love through intimacy, or friendship, or prayer, or walking in nature, or owning a dog.

These first needs are the needs of personality. We always find a way to meet these, for example by working harder (workaholics to get the significance they need). The last two needs are the needs of the spirit. These are rare, when we meet these we are truly fulfilled.

The need to grow. In a relationship if you don’t grow together, you split up. If your business is not growing, if you are not growing, you stop. Deep down we all want to grow since we find a reason to give.

Last but not least need is the need of contribution. When we are happy, we want the others to be happy. We want to spread the happiness. This need goes by saying: “Secret to living is giving”. Who you become when you are happy and what you will contribute with.

What needs are the most important for you and how do you meet them in your relationships, at work, personal life?